omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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