cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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