I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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