3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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