Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I love you.
Bad choice
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