Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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