She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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