I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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