All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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