his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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