This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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