I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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