i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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