I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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