I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize