Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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