She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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