My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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