Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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