You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think I died a long time ago.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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