so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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