ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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