I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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