before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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