True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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