I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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