we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Houston, we have a blender
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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