I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize