After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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