i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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