Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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