how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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