When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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