2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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