I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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