The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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