Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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