I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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