everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize