And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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