with your own penis?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
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I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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