Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The convent might be a nice break from real life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize