and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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