the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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