I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every concussion has its silver lining
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize