I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize