After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
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I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize