Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize