I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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