I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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